Coloquio Online
Electronic Newsletter in Spanish and English
Revista electrónica en inglés y español - Javier Bustamante, Editor

Arcos Restaurante
Restaurante Tio Pepe, Baltimore
Mayo - May 2005

Tirma Tours











Other Sites:

Famous Hispanics in the World and History

Los Toros


Club Andalucía

Semana Santa en Sevilla

English Only?

King Juan Carlos I of Spain Center

Instituto Cervantes

Baltimore Mayor's Hispanic Liaison Office

CASA de Maryland

Maryland Governor's Commission on Hispanic Affairs

Maryland Latino Coalition for Justice

Baltimore Hispanic Democratic Club

Maryland Hispanic Republicans

Maryland Hispanic Chamber of Commerce

Baltimore Hispanic Chamber of Commerce

El Refranero Español: Quien a buen árbol se arrima, buena sombra le cobija

Vicente Blasco Ibáñez

Vicente Blasco Ibáñez
1867–1928), Writer, Spain

How to save your own life during a heart attack

What you do during a heart attack can mean the difference between life and death. If you're having a heart attack and there is no one there to perform CPR on you, do the following:

· Immediately take a deep breath and cough twice, as hard as you can.

· Wait a couple of seconds, take another deep breath, and again cough twice. This will contract your diaphragm and compress the heart, causing it to pump.

· Call 911

This is a simple form of self CPR.

· Keep repeating the process until your heart begins to beat normally (or until help arrives).

· Once your heart has stabilized, chew and swallow one aspirin

· Take two cayenne pepper capsules or a table spoon of Tabasco sauce.

Aspirin will thin your blood and prevent platelets from sticking. Tabasco or cayenne will dilate your blood vessels so that blood can flow freely.

This a simple technique that can dramatically increase your chances of survival.


This might be a lifesaver if we can remember the three questions!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

· Ask the individual to smile.

· Ask him or her to raise both arms.

· Ask the person to speak a simple sentence.

If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions. They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.

Are you or someone you know afflicted by a stroke? See here
¿Ha tenido Ud. o alguien que Ud. conoce una embolia? Lea aquí

Philadelphia is to launch a citywide low-cost wireless network as an inexpensive way of giving Internet access to underserved communities. Baltimore should do likewise. More

US and Coalition Iraq War casualties as of May 28, 2005 -- Days: 801

Total contractors dead (see here)
Who were they? See here
Total US Wounded
as of 5/25/05
Total Coalition Dead
Avge. per day:
Iraqis dead
Madrid, destino europeo

President Dwight Eisenhower, Republican, wrote these words on November 8, 1954:
"Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes that you can do these things. Among them are a few Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or businessman from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid."

Mexicana de Aviación, the Mexican airlines is coming to Baltimore. [more]

Opportunity with the Baltimore Police Department for Police Cadets. [más]

This July 13 -15 at UMBC a historic event will take place. The Maryland Hispanic Youth Symposium will for the first time bring together 200 Hispanic/Latino rising 11th and 12th graders. [more]

La XV Feria de Sevilla de Washington
fue un exito arrollador. Mejor que nunca [más]

The Montgomery County Hispanic Democratic Club invited Baltimore Mayor's Martin O'Malley to a meeting of its membership at El Golfo Restaurant in Silver Spring, MD. Mayor O'Malley spoke of the "minimalist" leadership in the State of Maryland in the last three years which has created a difficult situation for the community at large, and especially the Hispanic community. [more]

The Heritage Theatre Company
presents "That Certain Cervantes" -- a day in the life of the beloved author, don Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (author of "Don Quixote"). Sunday matinee (4 pm) on May 15. Then again on Friday, May 27 and Saturday, May 28. [more]

Spanish Town:
A burgeoning community linked by language has found a home in and around Fells Point. [more] y aquí en español

GALA Theatre presents May 5-29 Real Women Have Curves. [more]

Teatro de la Luna presenta Continente Viril del 20 de mayo al 18 de junio. [más] y además el Teatro de la Luna recibe el  Premio "ELIZABETH CAMPBELL" [más]

See the creative art juices at work. See here (turn on your sound)
La Comisión del Gobernador en Asuntos Hispanos y el Departamento de Incendio y Rescate del Condado de Howard, unen esfuerzos para educar a los niños como prevenir incendios en su vivienda y salvar sus vidas el 14 de mayo. Más

Gran festival celta
en el que tienen representación las regiones de Galicia y Asturias, por separado y en categoria de "Naciones Celtas" junto con Escocia, Irlanda, Isla de Mann, Gales, Cornualles, y Bretaña, formando así parte de lo que se conoce como Arco Atlántico o "Celtic Atlantic Arc". El 11 y 12 de junio Morven Park Equestrian Center en Leesburg, VA. Más

"Se Habla Español para Ejecutivos" More

25º Aniversario del LatinoFest '05 del 18 al 19 de Junio en el Patterson Park. Más and English

Rockville Economic Development, Inc. (REDI) has launched a modified Spanish version of its Web site, The online resource is designed for Spanish-speaking business owners who are seeking information on starting, moving, or growing a business in Rockville , and offers links to other useful Web sites for small businesses. More

Cuidado de Salud para adolescentes y adultos. Todos los pacientes elegibles. Lean más
Two new web sites have emerged to create a comprehensive directory of dance in the Greater Philadelphia Region as well as provide a public forum for discussions and promotion of area dance companies and performances. More

This country needs immigrants just as much as immigrants need this country. More

Hector Diaz de Gobernador Galvez en Washington DCEn octubre del 2005, la Asociación Napoleónica Española
recreará la Batalla de Bailén en la cual el ejército español del General Castaños derrotó y capturó al ejército napoleónico del Mariscal de Campo Dupont, en Julio de 1808. Esta inesperada victoria española, la primera que se daba en Europa contra las tropas de Napoleón, tuvo mayores repercusiones que hicieron estremecer el imperio francés y forzaron al propio emperador a intervenir personalmente en la guerra en España, la que él mismo terminaría por bautizar como "La úlcera española" Siga leyendo

Letters - Cartas

Coloquio encourages letters to the editor. Please email us your comments
Coloquio acepta cartas al editor. Mándenos su email
Thank you Javier, let's hang in there and support O'Malley
Good morning Javier.
Hope that all is well with you and your family. I wanted to see if possibly you can inform the Hispanic Community through coloquio about an apportunity that has reopened within the Baltimore Police Department. The position is for Police Cadet. The requierements are as follow: Must be within the ages of 18-20, high school graduate or GED, must obtain a driver's license within 6 months of appointment however must have a valid ID to apply, US citizen, pass a civil service test, agility test, and background investigation to include polygraph and physical.
Benefits include paid tuition, health benefits, vacation, uniforms, $20,000 salary, paid holidays and upon turning age 21, they have the option to either join the police academy as an Police Officer Trainee at which time the salary will be adjusted to the starting salary of a entry level Police Officer trainee or if they choose not to, at age 21, they must depart from the program.
If anyone is interrested, they must call 410-396-2340 or 1-877-PRIDE-PD to schedule for the test.
I just think that a lot of people read your pulication and currently I think it's one of the only ones that are distributed through out our community. I think it is a perfect opportunity for young Hispanics to take advantage of. Best wishes.
Danny Santos
Mr. Bustamante,
I read this newsletter on a regular basis- in both languages!! Keeps the idiom current for me as well. I wonder why there is no link to the MDHCC? There is one to the Baltimore City Chamber, which as far as I know has done nothing worthwhile except to provide luncheons for the corporate community. After 20 years of community activisim, I would think it was long overdue to consider a link to the Maryland Hispanic Chamber of Commerce. You feature statewide news and links to other state organizations such as CASA de MD, and the Governor's Commission, etc. Hopefully, the next edition will make this change.
Lynda Sussman

Executive VP C.O.B., Administrative Services, Inc. Towson, MD
Editor's response: Oops! You are right. See index on the left column. Thanks for letting us know.
Friends/Amigos/Hermanos y Hermanas Latinas, Ya Basta!! Enough!! We have had enough hate, lies, and racism from Lou Dobbs! Please read the message below, go to the web site, and join me in the petition drive started by a great new group of progressive "Blue" Latinos. Here is the web site Llegó la hora de actuar-AHORA! Favor leer este mensaje de un nuevo grupo de activistas Latinos, ir al sitio web arriba indicado, y firmar la petición para enviar un mensaje fuerte a CNN y así callar a Lou Dobbs y sus mentiras, su racismo, y su odio contra los emigrantes e hispanos! El lider de "BlueLatinos", Jose Quiñonez, ha sido invitado por CNN este viernes 6 de Mayo a la 6EST para presentar las peticiones en la lucha contra este Goliath-- apoyémoslo!! En la Unión Está la FUERZA!!
Ana Sol Gutiérrez
Sr. Bustamante,
Soy un miembro de su lista de correo electrónico desde hace bastante tiempo pero honestamente he de decirle que fué hace unas semanas cuando realmente entré en su página y me sorprendió el contenido de la misma, realmente muestra una gran dedicación y conocimiento. Lo felicito.
Aprovechando que en su último correo se dedica buena parte a el tema del flamenco, quisiera  hacerle un comentario a modo de crítica constructiva.
Desde hace 20 años que vivo fuera de España, he observado como la gran mayoría de la gente de otros paises identifican a España con Toros, paella y flamenco, como si no hubiera nada mas. Estoy de acuerdo que cada pais tiene algo que lo caracteriza, o lo identifica pero en nuestro caso pienso que pasa de los límites la forma en que se ignoran otras regiones de España, otras comidas, otros deportes otro folklore en fin otra cultura totalmente diferente, hasta el punto que cuando nos encontramos con alguien que al saber que somos españoles te suelta immediatamente un comentario de alguno de esos tres temas con la consiguiente cara de sorpresa al darse cuenta que uno no es afin o no es entendido en esos temas, (tal pareciera que en ese momento piensan que somos españoles de segunda).
También aprovecho para informarle que cada año se celebra en la villa de Leesburg, Virginia en junio (este año es el 11 y 12 de junio) un gran festival celta en el que tienen representación las regiones de Galicia y Asturias, por separado y en categoria de "Naciones Celtas" junto con Escocia, Irlanda, Isla de Mann, Gales, Cornualles, y Bretaña, formando así parte de lo que se conoce como Arco Atlántico o "Celtic Atlantic Arc".
Para mas información sobre este evento,  
También pueden formar parte del grupo que se acaba de crear : 
ó contactar con un servidor en la siguiente dirección :
Le reitero mi admiración por su trabajo
Alfonso Díaz
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) The two were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
I do want to commend you on covering two of my favorite topics – FLAMENCO AND CITY PLANNING! How refreshing to meet someone else with those sets of interests! I myself am City and Regional Planning Masters student at the University of Pennsylvania, and I am also a flamenco singer. I perform (when I have time, and when they will have me) with Pasion Y Arte Flamenco company. I am Spanish-American (born in Valencia Spain, but have lived here since I was 10 years old, I am now 30).
Nice talking with you virtually, and keep up the great work with your website.
Veronica Polo
Master of City and Regional Planning 2006
University of Pennsylvania
Congratulations on your selection to the city planning commission! I read in
"Dear Mr. Bustamante, I am pleased to inform you that the Baltimore City Council, at its meeting of Tuesday, April 5, 2005, approved your nomination by the Mayor to serve as a member of the Baltimore City's Planning Commission."
This is a position with significant impact on the city's future and the fact that it is in such a large city as Baltimore (and the fact that it is not your first time as I noticed in your previous awards) makes it all the more important and speaks volumes in regards to your character, work ethic, knowledge and professionalism.
Again Congratulations.
CDR José Nieves U.S. Coast Guard
Dear Mr. Bustamante,
I am pleased to inform you that the Baltimore City Council, at its meeting of Tuesday, April 5, 2005, approved your nomination by the Mayor to serve as a member of the Baltimore City's Planning Commission.
Congratulations on your appointment and thank you for generously sharing your time and talents on behalf of the Planning Commission. We rely on your good judgement, consistent involvement, and leadership abilities in helping the City through serving as a Member.
Please accept the City Council's appreciation and call upon us whenever we can be of assistance.
Sheila Dixon, President
Baltimore City Council
Querido Javier:
Te escribo para informar a todos que se está organizando una recreación del ataque inglés de 1797 a San Juan, Puerto Rico, para el año 2006 y se necesitan voluntarios. En el ataque, un sitio que duró dos semanas, las fuerzas inglesas salieron derrotadas, a pesar de ser más numerosas tanto en soldados como en unidades navales.  El comandante inglés, Sir Ralph Abercromby, moriría en 1801 mientras derrotaba a las fuerzas de Napoleón en Egipto. Los que deseen más información sobre la recreación pueden acceder a la siguiente pagina web:

Hector Diaz,
Hispanos en la Historia


Coloquio no se responsabiliza de las opiniones de nuestros corresponsales.
Coloquio is not responsible for the opinion of our correspondents.

Emilio LabradaEmilio Bernal Labrada, miembro de la Academia Norteamericana de la Lengua Española, es autor de La prensa liEbre o Los crímenes del idioma. Pedidos a:

Language, Our Daily Fiesta


Hablamos de dos fronteras.  Una, internacional, la méxico-norteamericana, y la otra interlinguística, la anglo-hispana.  Ambas se están desdibujando y emborronando, al punto de que ya no se distingue bien donde termina un ámbito y empieza otro.  Algunos abogan por suprimir las fronteras, y otros por reforzarlas.  Otros llegan al extremo de querer fundir los lados opuestos en uno solo .  Pero ambos extremos parecen desaconsejados. Lo de la frontera internacional es cuestión política, muy delicada, que mejor sería ni tocar siquiera.  Pero de una cosa podemos estar seguros: los hispanos, hoy próximos a ser el núcleo mayoritario en grandes porciones sureñas de Estados Unidos, nunca van a pronunciarse a favor de debilitar a la Unión, y ni siquiera en pro de modalidades más autonómicas de gobernación regional .  Es decir... hasta que surja un demagogo que arrastre multitudes y logre arranques de populista entusiasmo, todo ello desencadenado por un incidente o causa que provoque una chispa explosiva. ¿Verdad que parece una pesadilla? 

Pues sí.  ¿Sería el “sueño (norte)americano” puesto de cabeza?  Pues también. Pero debemos meditarlo como una posibilidad. Porque siempre corremos el peligro de caer en manos de un manipulador que transforme en realidad ese su “sueño” personal de poder que pretendería transformar en realidad a base de nuestras emociones y aspiraciones. También los alemanes eran un pueblo inteligente, laborioso y civilizado, y miren como Hitler los hizo, temporalmente, violentos y desalmados. Por no decir totalmente desquiciados. Y del Infidel mejor ni hablar.  Aunque los cubanos no lo quieran ver ni en pintura, pocos se atreven a hablar en su contra, y nadie puede votar, ni menos BOTAR.

Pero es la frontera linguística la que hoy nos interesa y he traído a colación el tema fronterizo obligado, casi, por un comentario que oí en la televisión.  Si tratándose del tema político hay buenas razones para respetar las fronteras y no pretender ignorarlas, más las hay en el caso idiomático, porque son dos las víctimas de semejante asalto: el español y el inglés, y sus respectivas culturas.  Cabe recordar aquí el famoso axioma: “idioma es cultura”. Decía en su mejor imitación del castellano uno de esos esforzados lectores de noticias –léase presentadores– que alguien justificaba la actuación de las patrullas fronterizas informales a base de que  “los guardafronteras [entiéndase los oficiales] no están haciendo su trabajo”. Claro que es perfecto español, pues no hay ninguna voz anglicista ni se ha tenido el mal gusto de usar una palabra en lengua inglesa.

Ah, amigos, pero sí hay un anglicismo.  ¿Saben cuál es?  Es el anglicismo de pensamiento: estaban pensando en inglés.  Porque en nuestra cultura, no se expresa así el concepto.  Inconfundiblemente, estaban transliterando “not doing their job”.   Concepto éste que en nuestro idioma corresponde a “no están cumpliendo con su deber”, O si quieren, “haciendo lo que les corresponde”, “cumpliendo su misión”.   

Y para concluir nuestra MISIÓN de hoy vamos a darles otro ejemplo del anglicismo de pensamiento: está en esta frase: “Juan Pérez, el hombre al centro de un escándalo sexual”.  Muy curiosa esta frase, no sólo por el aspecto sintáctico sino por el de la lógica.  Deducimos que el traductor de la noticia lo hizo al pie de la letra, dejándose llevar por la redacción anglo que, según el estilo predominante en ese idioma, hizo uso de la frase “at the center” y la innecesaria muletilla “man”,. En español diríamos, con más economía y dinamismo, “Juan Pérez, eje de un escándalo sexual”. 


“Laundry” has got itself inextricably attached to “list.” Even if you’ve lost the “ticket,” there’s no denying that, lately, you get “laundry” with every “list.” The phrase used to mean –before washers and dryers became ubiquitous-- an itemization of clothing to be washed. But now…, let’s see: “The manager submitted a laundry list of problems for review.” Does that, I wonder, include pants, socks and underwear? Or just sheets and pillowcases?

And how about: “Joe gave the mechanic a laundry list of problems with his car.” Hmm, that one sounds even more interesting. But, since we’re talking about laundry, does that mean shirts and towels or nuts and bolts? Or does that depend on what’s in the car?

Well, you get the idea: “laundry” is a synonym for “long.” As in: “Wasn’t that a laundry trip we took to Florida?” Or: “That place is a laundry way from here.”

It’s called “lazy editing,” or better yet, “sloppy language.”

As in the latest news item heard on one of those “entertainment” shows on TV: “Greta Garbo has been honored by the Academy on the occasion of her one hundredth birthday.” Think about that for a moment. I’m sure Miss Garbo appreciates that very much. If she were alive, that is. But then, I guess she is, since we have just been told that she has been “honored” on her one-hundredth year. Yes, I know. That’s what they all say: “George Washington’s birthday,” “Thomas Jefferson’s birthday,” etc., ad infinitum, about people long dead and gone.

But that doesn’t make it right. Birthdays can only be CELEBRATED by people who are alive. Put it this way: strictly speaking, how many birthdays does the average person have? Can you guess? Yes, that’s right: ONE. The day of one’s birth is the one and only “birthday.” All the rest are ANNIVERSARIES. Besides, how can you “honor” someone for having been born? Did they have anything to do with it?

The answer is you “honor” someone for some extraordinary deed or accomplishment. Not for something they were passively involved in. Then, after they’re gone from this garden of earthly delights, THEY can’t –but WE can, of course--, celebrate the anniversary of their birth.

So, for those no longer on this earth, the mistake is compounded since they can’t “celebrate” anything. In the case of Miss Garbo, for example, the televised statement would require an unusual collection of brains –we certainly hope that the Motion Picture Academy’s would not have been totally responsible for it-- to cram so many errors into a single sentence.

How about this solution: “The Academy has commemorated the one hundredth anniversary of Greta Garbo’s birth.” Let’s “honor” people who are alive to appreciate it, and “commemorate” anniversaries of the departed, shall we?

Well, friends, that’s all the (dirty) “laundry” for today --no ticket necessary for pick-up.

Eric GoodmanEric D. Goodman is a professional writer and editor. He is winner of the Newsletter on Newsletter’s Gold Award for superior electronic newsletter editing and is a two-time finalist in the Chesterfield Writer’s Film Project founded by Steven Spielberg’s Amblin Entertainment. Eric writes both fiction and non-fiction. One of his novels, Thirteen to Gorky, is set in Russia. "Vodka in the Sun" was originally published in "Travel Insights". Eric resides in Baltimore, Maryland with his wife and daughter. Contact Eric at to discuss reading, writing and Russia.


McDonald’s in Russia – A Kinder McInvader

These days in Russia you’re more likely to see golden arches than a hammer and sickle. And while it may be an eyesore to many people—even cause for protests by citizens in Voronezh—the American fast-food restaurant chain is seen by many as one of the nation’s kinder invaders.

“Invader” in the sense that it is one of many western companies to enter Russia and swipe business from less astute Russian businesses. Just as RJR and Phillip Morris dominate Russia’s smokers, McDonald’s dominates the fast food industry.

Russia ’s first McDonald’s Restaurant opened on January 31, 1990, in Moscow’s Pushkin Square. A beautiful restaurant with an indoor fountain, it remains the busiest McDonald’s in the world.

The official McDonald’s website now boasts 90 restaurants in Russia, and they serve 200,000 customers every day. Three hundred million customers have been served in Russia since opening in 1990.

But the golden arches have been gold-producing for Russia, as well as for the American company. Employees feel they are well paid, averaging $100 a month, which is good by Russian standards—more than one is likely to be paid by a Russian restaurant. McDonald’s offers a good benefit plan to boot.

In the past 11 years, Russian McDonald’s have contributed $4.5 million to Russian charities. And they strive to buy their potatoes and fresh produce from Russian farmers. So while profits from Big Macs and Royals with Cheese go to McDonald’s, Russian producers and employees benefit, too.

Of course, critics are quick to point out that charitable contributions and orders from local farmers add up to a small order of fried potatoes compared to the super-sized profits McDonald’s has exported from mother Russia. But that doesn’t stop a Russian mother from ordering burgers, fries, pies and milk cocktails for her children.

From an outsider’s point of view, I must admit a love-hate relationship with McDonald’s. There’s nothing worse than touring the beautiful scenery of Russia and coming to an illuminated set of plastic golden arches. And yet, those plastic arches offer comfort for travelers weary of ethnic cuisine strange to them. I love Russian food … but once in awhile an order of fries goes a long way.


Por Hainess Egas


De la dramaturga Josefina López

Una vez más “Gala Hispanic Theater” nos deleita con una deliciosa y muy bien lograda comedia, “Real Women Have Curves”, de la dramaturga chicana Josefina López. [más]


por Fermín García Rodríguez

Si una vaca se vendiera como un coche
LECCIONES DE ESTRATEGIA EMPRESARIAL. Una presentación "Power Point" ¡De risa!
Americanos y paranoias. Una presentación "Power Point"
Informático: ¿Qué ordenador tiene?
Cliente : Uno blanco.

Cliente: Hola. No puedo sacar el disquete de la disquetera.
Informático: ¿Ha intentado apretar el botón?
Cliente: Sí, claro, esta como pegado...
Informático : Eso no suena bien, tomaré nota
Cliente: No... espera... no había metido el disquete... esta todavía en la mesa... lo siento.

Informático: Haga clic sobre el icono de 'Mi PC', a la izquierda de la pantalla.
Cliente: ¿Tu izquierda o mi izquierda?

Informático: Buenos días, ¿en qué puedo ayudarle?
Cliente: Hola, no puedo imprimir.
Informático: Podría hacer click sobre "inicio" y...
Cliente : Escuche; no empiece con tecnicismos, no soy Bill Gates ¡Maldita sea!

Cliente: Hola, buenas tardes no puedo imprimir, cada vez que lo intento dice "No se encuentra impresora". He cogido incluso la impresora, la he colocado en frente del monitor pero el ordenador todavía dice que no la puede encontrar.

Cliente: Tengo problemas para imprimir en rojo.
Informático: Tiene una impresora a color?
Cliente: Aaaaaaaah.... gracias!!

Informático: Qué hay en su monitor ahora mismo?
Cliente: Un osito de peluche que mi novio me compró en un supermercado.

Informático: Ahora, pulse F8.
Cliente: No funciona.
Informático: Que hizo exactamente?
Cliente: Presionar la F  8 veces como me dijiste, pero no ocurre nada.

Cliente : Mi teclado no quiere funcionar.
Informático: ¿Está seguro de que esta conectado?
Cliente: No lo sé. No alcanzo la parte de atrás.
Informático: coja el teclado, y dé diez pasos hacia atrás.
Cliente: ok
Informático: El teclado sigue con usted?
Informático : Eso significa que el teclado no está conectado ¿Hay algún otro teclado?
Cliente : Sí, hay otro aquí. Andaaa,.... este si funciona!!

Informático: Tu password es 'a' minúscula de andamio, V mayúscula de Víctor, el número ... Cliente : 7 en mayúscula o minúscula?

Un cliente no puede conectarse a Internet
Informático: Está seguro de que esta utilizando el password correcto?
Cliente: Si, estoy seguro, vi a un colega hacerlo
Informático: Me puede decir cual era el password?
Cliente : 5 asteriscos.

Cliente: Tengo un grave problema. Un amigo me puso un protector de pantalla, pero cada vez que muevo el ratón desaparece.


Cosas de familia

Basado en hecho real hace varios años en Francia y publicado en un periódico:
"Estimado señor Ministro de la Defensa Nacional, permítame presentarle respetuosamente el caso siguiente, referente a mis situación personal, con el fin de solicitar mi baja inmediata de mi deber del servicio militar.
Tengo 24 años, y estoy casado con una viuda de 42, la cual tiene una hija de 25 años.
Mi padre se ha casado con esta última. En la actualidad mi padre se ha convertido pues en mi yerno puesto que se ha casado con mi hija. Por consiguiente mi hija que es también mi nuera, se ha convertido en mi suegra, ya que es la esposa de mi padre...
Mi mujer y yo hemos tenido un hijo en enero. Este niño se ha convertido en el hermano de la mujer de mi padre, lo que equivale a ser el cuñado de mi padre. Como consecuencia, es ahora mi tío, puesto que es hermano de mi suegra.
Ahora bien, como hemos dicho, ya sabemos que mi hijo es también mi tío.
La mujer de mi padre en navidades ha tenido un niño que es a la vez mi hermano, ya que es hijo de mi padre, y al mismo tiempo mi nieto puesto que es hijo de la hija de mi mujer.
Como resultado, soy ahora el hermano de mi nieto, y como ya sabemos que el marido de la madre de una persona es el padre de esta persona, resulta que soy padre de mi mujer, y hermano de mi hijo. Por consiguiente soy mi propio abuelo.
Por este motivo, Señor Ministro, le ruego que me conceda el derecho a regresar a mi hogar, ya que la ley prohíbe terminantemente que el padre, el hijo, y el nieto sean llamados a filas al mismo tiempo.
Confiando en su comprensión, le mando un muy cordial saludo."
(El artículo publicado explica al final que esta persona fue eximida del servicio militar obligatorio con la siguiente mención en su expediente: "Estado psíquico inestable y preocupante, con trastornos mentales agravados por un clima familiar muy perturbador...")

Performance appraisals

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